Reflections. 27 Months Out.

Sit back, relax, and get comfy. This will be a long post.

It's been awhile.

It feels good to be back at this keyboard. I have a lot to say tonight, and that's because God has had His Hand in many facets of my life recently. In fact, He's always been there. I just didn't always realize it of course.

Fighting the good fight of faith isn't always pretty. I wholeheartedly believe that we do each other a disservice by putting up those glass walls, and giving our neighbors the illusion that our lives are "perfect". Insert cheesy, bleached out, mouth full of veneers smile, and you have yourself a Christ follower, right?

Sometimes, following Christ requires all that we have in us. Sometimes, it's us doing all we can do just to get out of bed in the morning because we have been running, and running, and running some more, from the hurts, the deep wounds, the sting of the pains from our pasts.

Sometimes it's laying in the fetal position, alone, soaked in the day's tears, with our face to the ground, arms reached out, mustering up the strength to cry out "Savior, come quickly!".

We're not called to stay in these valleys, I know. But sometimes we're called to walk through the valleys in order to reveal more of God's Glory at the next mountain top. But, that doesn't take away from the very real, raw, depth of the valleys that do exist.

I've been running.

Running from the very real, very painful, emotions attached to the circumstances, or valleys, that I've walked through these past 27 months. I was under the impression that I could "deal" with my losses, and move on. Be happy. Put on my cheesy, bleached out smile, and represent Christ well. Not the case. That's not what grief looks like. In fact, that's not what life looks like.

There are no guarantees in this life, but One. And His Name is Jesus. In my hurt, He is there. In my loss, He is there. In my loneliness, He is there. In my disappointment, He is there. In my joy, He is there. In my successes, He is there. In my past, He was there. In my present, He is here. And, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, He'll be in my future too.

Before these most recent valleys in my life, I believed that if I did the "right" things, prayed hard enough, believed hard enough, my pain would go away. In search of answers, hanging on to the very last shred of hope in me, I called out to God.

Here's what I discovered. Our trials, our pain, our temporary hurts serve a very real purpose. They make us homesick. Let me explain.

This world is not all there is. This is not how life was intended to be for us. There is a void in our hearts that can only be filled by the One and Only. When you've been brought to your knees in complete surrender, knowing that Christ will return and make all things new is the only hope that causes you to stand back up, and keep on fighting another day. For those of you who have mustered up the courage to walk through the valley, hand in hand with our Savior, allowing His grace and mercy to wash over you, you know what I'm talking about.

Christ died a very real, a very painful, sacrificial, death. And, He did it for you and me. The pain is real. The hurt is real. He knows that all too well, in fact. But He calls us to persevere. That perseverance isn't always pretty.

But as surely as the sun will rise, He'll be there.

I'm not sure who this message is for, but I'm hoping you're hearing it.

Our God is a God Who saves. There is no valley too deep for Him to reach down and save us. In fact, He is quite experienced in the redemption department.

God is good. Even when there's nothing good in me.

God is faithful. Even when I'm in the valley.

God is working on my behalf. Even when I stand in utter darkness.

God is love. Even when there's nothing lovable about me.

You see, it's not about me. It's all about Him. What will bring Him the most glory? He had to give up His very own Son to redeem you and I. Who am I that He would be mindful of me? And, who am I to stand in His way. Have Your Way in me, Lord. Even if it's time spent in the valley.

Tomorrow I leave for Israel. I have no expectations. All I am expecting is to stand in awe of the Lover of my soul. To see where He stood as a Man. To visit His Holy Land. Beyond that, is up to Him.

I would covet your prayers for protection, annointing, and an outpouring of His grace.

I pray that all of our hearts are turning towards the Divine Heart Surgeon tonight.

In all of our imperfections, in all of our hurts, in all of our longings, may we be willing to allow Him to have His way in us.

Blessings to each and every one of you!

I'll be in touch!

Nicole