Transition.

Hi! Remember me?




I'm still in existence, for those of you that have inquired. (And thank you for that!)

In all honesty, my summer and fall seasons were amazing. They were amazing for my grief, my relationships, my outlook on life, and all that lies in between. And, now comes winter.

In every aspect of the word, I am feeling winter. Holidays, family gatherings, and the month of December...all seem to, without hesitation, remind me of all that I had, but have lost. My own house, a husband, a son...all have been lost. All that I ever wanted was at my finger tips. So close, but not fully experienced. At least, not the way that I had hoped.

Granted, I have much to be thankful for. My health, friends, family, great jobs, opportunities to go back to school, freedom, and I certainly haven't forgotten about my salvation.

But there are still rather large holes in my life.

And, this time of year seems to bring those holes to the forefront of my mind.

I'm a single girl, going back to school, living with 3 roommates, and have a wide open life to live ahead of me. Yet, I'm also a mom. And, I've also experienced married life. And, now I have to find a path that acknowledges both. The month of December seems to be paralyzing to me...at least it has for the past 2 years now. And, tragically, I used to love the holidays.

As I put one foot in front of the other, God increases my hope. It is my heart's deepest desire to be a wife again. To be a mom again. And I'm believing God when He says that those who fear Him, will lack no good thing. I believe a husband and a family are good things. Although they have been temporarily taken from me, I will believe God for what He says.

I can't believe what would have been Dylan's 2nd birthday is already fast approaching. Time flies, yet stands completely still when grieving. There were points when weeks, and months went by without shedding a tear for my son. Then...a holiday passes, or an incident brings him back to mind. And he's missed. Deeply, desperately, missed.

I am so thankful that I was able to hold him, hear him, kiss him, and love him.

It is my prayer, for all of us that are missing their loved ones this holiday season, to feel a peace, a love, a comfort, and even a joy that would pass all human understanding. That we would feel His Presence, hear His Voice, and accept His Love.

Blessings to you this holiday season.

"Open the gates to all who are righteous;
allow the faithful to enter.
You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
Trust in the Lord always,
for the Lord God is the eternal Rock."

Isaiah 26:2-4