First off, I will acknowledge the big, huge elephant in the room, and take a minute to thank you all for your heartfelt honesty, and support. Yes, I have deleted some comments. As I have stated, I will not drag Chad's name through the mud. I value honesty in myself and even more in others. Even if your comment wasn't posted, I thank you. I will not entertain comments where I have to defend myself though. After all, it is my blog.
If you are a long time reader, you know what my stance is on divorce, and as you could imagine, this is not, has not, and will not be an easy decision for me. Only God, Chad, and I know the true details of what has caused the dissolution of this marriage, and I'm ok with that. My goals right now are to move forward in my life. In order to have a future, I have to let go of the past, and that's what I intend to do.
This blog was started as a way to share the story of a little boy who was diagnosed with an incompatible with life diagnosis. It was a way to share our ups and downs of carrying him to term, and living life without him. Many of our friends and family were able to keep updated through this blog. I want to keep my stories real and honest. But I have every intention of keeping the stories on topic of my son, or at least life without him, and not on the loss of my husband.
Life does go on without your baby. As the days increase, they become infused with more and more hope. The fog of grief and heartache lifts, and the load grows easier to bear.
This story started out with a girl who chose to give her son life. A girl who dreamed of a lifelong relationship with her son's dad. This story has become one of a girl who has nothing apart from Christ. God has opened doors and closed doors. And, no matter what happens, He is good.
I know difficult days lie ahead of me, as there is not much positive surrounding a divorce. I do not desire to write much more on the topic however. I look forward to the day when the fog will lift yet again.
May you all receive blessings for the many ways you have blessed me.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
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14 comments:
Just wanted to say,I am praying for you, and I love you. God Bless~ Abbie
Again Nicole, I am so very sorry. Thank you for acknowledging that divorce is not God's plan for us. Thank you for not allowing your bitterness to seep through. Allow the Lord to use you and lead you. Chad will always be a part of your life due to Dylan. A very poignant part of your life. There is much I could say, but will simply say, 'I am praying that you will always allow the Lord to lead you and not allow guilt from your past choices to lurk and steal your joy.'
Still thinking of you, Nicole. I hope we can continue to support you any way we can.
I have loved reading about your sweet baby boy, even though I've been really bad about commenting. I'm trying to change that though, and am looking forward to hearing more about him.
My your burden be light.
I am praying for you!
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." You will soar above chickie. Best wishes and prayers.
You should never have to justify anything in your life... it's your life. It's unfortunate that some though it necessary to judge.
You remain so strong and so determined. I've never "known" a person like you. Amazing is the only word that I can think of. God will continue to guide you through your life's journey and will bless you with happiness and love again. My prayers for you, Dylan and Chad will continue.
Nicole,
I have read your blog from the beginning and even though I have never lost a child, I have struggled through the grief of loosing a family member. I can't tell you the times that your words have encouraged me and gave me hope. All any of us has is God's grace and the hope of seeing Him soon.
I also thank you for not dragging Chad down during the divorce. The Bible tells us a soft answer turns away wrath. Also, the Christ like spirit in a woman can change the heart of a man to desire to be more Christ like.
You are an awesome woman and I look forward to reading many more of your posts.
Many many people are praying for you!
you are such a strong woman! i am praying for you. i am proud of you for being true to yourself and not dragging chad through the mud. That takes a strong and godly woman, which I know you are.
Nicloe,
As a long time blog reader, it is encouraging to see how your faith has grown over the past year. Has it been easy? No. Have your readers cried tears of pain with you? Yes. Has God carried you through when you didn't see how you could keep going? Yes. He is faithful and true. Thank you for reminding us, your readers of this fact. For being open enough to heal through the pain.
God is good.
"And, no matter what happens, He is good."
AMEN!!! Know that as a sister in Christ, you are in my prayers! The faith that you have will be blessed by God!!
Lesser things have made me question God. Your unwaivering love and belief is what is lifting me back to HIM. Praying for you to have strength as you approach your son's first birthday. ~Kristen A
I just wanted to encourage you to continue trusting in the Lord. Your courage has touched me beyond measure. You are an amazing woman, and you inspire me to be a better woman too. Thank you for allowing me to read your story. I will continue to lift your name up to our Lord. Your commitment to Him will be recognized and honoured with great rewards in heaven one day.
I have followed your blog for about a year, but have never commented. As I was writing my "quote of the day" on my whiteboard at school the other day, I thought of you. The quote was one of my favorites:
People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
You have an amazing strength and faith - a light from within- and it is inspirational to me and others. Please take care and I wish you nothing but the best!
Dear Nicole, I want to let you know that even if this road of sorrow you are on is not what you imaged your life to be, you are being a woman of God by following him as best you can, I have a great bood to recommend to you, maybe you already have hear about it, but here is the title...Living with Thorns. A Biblical Survival Guide by Mary Ann Froehlich. I have had difficult long marriage and have asked for years Why, I recently found this book. I hope it helps. God Bless and prayers coming your way. Lori
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